CHANELLE'S LOOKING FORWARD TO BETTER DAYS DINNER
@
FREDY'S DINER, QORMI
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Sunday Blues
Someone told me that women who had a few extra pounds really enjoyed to be complimented. Yesterday I was in this bar when this portly lady who had had more than a few started dancing on the table. As I passed her by on my way to the gents
I said "wow, geat legs ! ". "You really think so? " she asked. " oh..I meant the table's"
Thursday, November 21, 2013
A few that may make you chuckle !
Weekend Humour
In crime, you take the money and run, in politics it is the
other way round.
A Man is late for work and the boss asks him why.
“ You see, I live opposite this gorgeous girl and I can
see through her window. Every day she puts on a different outfit for every
occasion: One day it’s a riding habit, the next day it’s tennis whites, on
another day scuba diving gear…it’s really fascinating” “But what has that got
to do with your being late today ?”asks his boss. “Today was her birthday !”
Pinocchio has a girlfriend but she complains that she
gets splinters when they make love. So Pinocchio goes to Ceppetto and asks if
he can do something about it. The old man hands the puppet some sandpaper so he
can get rid of the splinters. After a couple of weeks, Ceppetto asks Pinocchio
how things are going with the girlfriend. “ What girlfriend? Who needs a girlfriend?”
answers Pinocchio.
A man comes home and tells his wife “ The milkman is
boasting that he seduced all the women on this street except one” Wife: “ I
wonder who she might be”
He: Have you ever had sex ?
She: That’s MY Business
He: Ahh a professional.
The boss has two employees, Jack and Jill. Business is a
bit slow but because they are good workers, he tries not to let them go. One
day he finds a quiet moment and approaches Jill “ Listen I am really sorry but
I’m gonna have to lay you or Jack off” She said, “ you better jack off then cause I
have a headache”
An electrician, a lawyer and a civil servant are
discussing whose profession came first so the electrician said “ When God
created the world, he said Let There Be light so our profession was born first”
The lawyer said “ Even before he created light, God had
to restore some order in the universe because there was chaos, so laws and
order were born, which is our profession”
“ Hang on” said the civil servant, “ before the law and
order, that chaos, we are the ones who create that!”
An elderly couple arrive at the Hotel late at night and
the receptionist told them “ we are fully booked but I can let you have the
Honeymoon Suite” “But we’ve been married for 40 years” said the man.
“ Well, I could put you up in the ballroom, but that doesn’t
mean that you have to dance!”
Friday, November 15, 2013
A wintry November mini collection
A Family of Cannibals were converted to Catholics, so they started eating only fishermen on Fridays.
We were eating at an open air cafe when it started raining heavily. It took us an hour to finish our soup.
Wife to husband after party " you really made a fool of yourself at that party. I hope nobody noticed that you were sober"
What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer ? The hooker will stop screwing you once you're dead.
What do accountants use for contraception ? Their personality.
The doctor told me that it was okay for me to drink like a fish as long as I only drank what fish drank.
The police are investigating the theft of a large number of filing cabinets from a warehouse. They think it is the work of an organized crime ring.
Airconditioners are similar to computers in the sense that both become less efficient once you open windows.
Did you know that noses and toes are interchangeable ? Noses run and feet smell.
Isn't it supposed to be called a "teeth brush"?
The judge said to the young offender "I hope that this is the last time you have been brought before me"
" Why, Judge,are you retiring ?"
We were eating at an open air cafe when it started raining heavily. It took us an hour to finish our soup.
Wife to husband after party " you really made a fool of yourself at that party. I hope nobody noticed that you were sober"
What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer ? The hooker will stop screwing you once you're dead.
What do accountants use for contraception ? Their personality.
The doctor told me that it was okay for me to drink like a fish as long as I only drank what fish drank.
The police are investigating the theft of a large number of filing cabinets from a warehouse. They think it is the work of an organized crime ring.
Airconditioners are similar to computers in the sense that both become less efficient once you open windows.
Did you know that noses and toes are interchangeable ? Noses run and feet smell.
Isn't it supposed to be called a "teeth brush"?
The judge said to the young offender "I hope that this is the last time you have been brought before me"
" Why, Judge,are you retiring ?"
Friday, November 1, 2013
1st of November. All saints day coming up. This reminds me of a true story which happened quite a while ago. I used to work in a Chinese Restaurant and at the end of the day, we had a driver with a van who came to pick up those that did not have their own transport and drive us home.
While being driven home, we always made jokes especially since there was this kitchen helper who was scared of ghosts. Practically every day we used to taunt him and enjoyed seeing him getting scared out of his wits. While driving past a cemetery, the driver used to stop at the gate and flick the headlamps on the graves inside, just to hear the guy scream and hide under the seat . When this All Saints day came up, I, being the practical joker, organized for him a night to remember.
I planned with the other colleagues that on this day, I will dress up as a ghost and wait for them near the cemetery so that when they drove by I will come out from behind the bushes and scare the living daylights out of the poor guy.
Since I did not have my own transport at the time, I made arrangements to be driven there before hand by the headwaiter. My preparations included sewing to restaurant tablecloths together and staining them all over with ketchup. Talcum powder on my face gave me a deathly pan and putting a red toothpaste in my mouth made a very dramatic contrast. Next, I darkened my eye sockets with burnt cork . I carried a small powerful torch which I would shine up from under my chin to give me a macabre appearance.
So the stage was set. The headwaiter, as promised, drove me to the gate of the cemetery and left.
I had agreed with the van driver that as soon as he drove round the corner, he had to flick the bright on his headlamps so that I knew it was him.
How was I to know that most of the cars did that when driving round a bend ? I must have gone out from behind the bushes to the middle of the street at least six times, only to realize that it was the wrong car !
When the staff transport van finally came round, I just stood in the middle of the street with my arms folded and the torch creating shadows on my made up face. I could see our guy in the car with a perplexed look on his face. All the others, except him came out of the van. Some were taking pictures. I walked slowly towards the van and while fixing the poor terrified soul inside with a cold stare, I took hold of the front bumper and started shaking the van up and down on its shock-absorbers. This proved too much for him. He somehow found enough courage to open the door and flee!
Unknowingly to us at the time, the bartender who worked at the restaurant and who had his own transport,
drove to the cemetery to watch the fun from a distance but was waiting mistakenly at the wrong cemetery gate. After spending some 20 minutes there waiting for something to happen, a Police Patrol car which was driving by suspected that something sinister was afoot so they made him get out of the car, checked his documents and when he told them about the prank which he had come to see they became more suspicious. They searched his car and took him to Head Quarters for questioning. In those days, we did not have mobile phones so we only learned about what happened the next day when we went to work.
Hope that you found this story as entertaining as it was for us at the time !
Now for a November Joke ( or two )
Haunted House
There was a house on the outskirts of a village which had a reputation of being haunted. No one wanted to stay there. One day, a man from another town was visiting and wanted to rent the place. The owner told him about the apparitions but he said that in fact that was the reason he wanted to stay there.
So, sure enough , after a couple of nights he heard strange sounds upon investigation he saw the ghost of a young man sitting on the sofa. He sat down and had a long conversation with the deceased chap and finally asked him if he could take a picture of him to show to the people in the village, to which the ghost had no objection.
Funnily enough, when he developed the photos of the ghost ( not yet digital at the time ) nothing came up.
Why ? The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
His ghoulfriend!
While being driven home, we always made jokes especially since there was this kitchen helper who was scared of ghosts. Practically every day we used to taunt him and enjoyed seeing him getting scared out of his wits. While driving past a cemetery, the driver used to stop at the gate and flick the headlamps on the graves inside, just to hear the guy scream and hide under the seat . When this All Saints day came up, I, being the practical joker, organized for him a night to remember.
I planned with the other colleagues that on this day, I will dress up as a ghost and wait for them near the cemetery so that when they drove by I will come out from behind the bushes and scare the living daylights out of the poor guy.
Since I did not have my own transport at the time, I made arrangements to be driven there before hand by the headwaiter. My preparations included sewing to restaurant tablecloths together and staining them all over with ketchup. Talcum powder on my face gave me a deathly pan and putting a red toothpaste in my mouth made a very dramatic contrast. Next, I darkened my eye sockets with burnt cork . I carried a small powerful torch which I would shine up from under my chin to give me a macabre appearance.
So the stage was set. The headwaiter, as promised, drove me to the gate of the cemetery and left.
I had agreed with the van driver that as soon as he drove round the corner, he had to flick the bright on his headlamps so that I knew it was him.
How was I to know that most of the cars did that when driving round a bend ? I must have gone out from behind the bushes to the middle of the street at least six times, only to realize that it was the wrong car !
When the staff transport van finally came round, I just stood in the middle of the street with my arms folded and the torch creating shadows on my made up face. I could see our guy in the car with a perplexed look on his face. All the others, except him came out of the van. Some were taking pictures. I walked slowly towards the van and while fixing the poor terrified soul inside with a cold stare, I took hold of the front bumper and started shaking the van up and down on its shock-absorbers. This proved too much for him. He somehow found enough courage to open the door and flee!
Unknowingly to us at the time, the bartender who worked at the restaurant and who had his own transport,
drove to the cemetery to watch the fun from a distance but was waiting mistakenly at the wrong cemetery gate. After spending some 20 minutes there waiting for something to happen, a Police Patrol car which was driving by suspected that something sinister was afoot so they made him get out of the car, checked his documents and when he told them about the prank which he had come to see they became more suspicious. They searched his car and took him to Head Quarters for questioning. In those days, we did not have mobile phones so we only learned about what happened the next day when we went to work.
Hope that you found this story as entertaining as it was for us at the time !
Now for a November Joke ( or two )
Haunted House
There was a house on the outskirts of a village which had a reputation of being haunted. No one wanted to stay there. One day, a man from another town was visiting and wanted to rent the place. The owner told him about the apparitions but he said that in fact that was the reason he wanted to stay there.
So, sure enough , after a couple of nights he heard strange sounds upon investigation he saw the ghost of a young man sitting on the sofa. He sat down and had a long conversation with the deceased chap and finally asked him if he could take a picture of him to show to the people in the village, to which the ghost had no objection.
Funnily enough, when he developed the photos of the ghost ( not yet digital at the time ) nothing came up.
Why ? The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
Some Topical one-liners brought to you courtesy of Spoonful.com
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts!
He didn’t have the guts!
What
do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
Bone appetit!
Why
do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough!
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough!
What
was the witch's favourite subject in school?
Spelling!
Spelling!
What do you call a
skeleton who won't work?
Lazy Bones!
Lazy Bones!
Where do baby
ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers!
Dayscare centers!
Why
don't ghosts like parties?
They have no body to dance with!
They have no body to dance with!
What
do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray!
Scare spray!
What was the
favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?
Hide and shriek!
Hide and shriek!
What
do the birds sing on Halloween?
Trick or tweet!
Trick or tweet!
Who won the
skeleton beauty contest?
No body!
No body!
Why are there
fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
Because people are dying to get in!
His ghoulfriend!
Comments and Suggestions are welcome and appreciated.
Why not add your own joke in the comments box ?
Thursday, October 31, 2013
The Very First
I believe that humour is a serious business and should not be taken lightly.
While admittedly, I derive quite a substantial amount of enjoyment from telling a joke ( or two ) between friends, I have always held back from contributing jokes online for the simple reason that one cannot get the instant gratification of hearing belly laughs when one posts a joke. One can always check comments and site hits at a later stage but this could happen months after you submit the joke !
Although telling jokes in the flesh will probably remain my most favourable past time, at times I do not want to wait too long by waiting for the right opportunity before sharing a joke so that is the reason I am creating this blog. Another reason is that we are all getting busier and busier aren't we ? I mean, most people I know nowadays spend a good chunk of their day looking at screens of different sizes. How can you communicate with these people if not via sms, chat, email ?
Through this Blog I will be able to "relate" a joke as soon as I hear it or as soon as it occurs to me and visitors can update with the latest gibberish at their own convenience. There is one snag , though. When telling joke to a person or a group of persons, I can feel the pulse, the level, the mood of the moment and of the recipients. Joke telling is all about timing. Sometimes I start telling a joke to lighten a mood or alleviate a person's spirits when all of a sudden something deadly serious comes up which instantly throws my joke into the distant background. I would never be able to tell that particular joke again to the same audience because you cannot recapture the ripe moment very easily.
It goes without saying that telling the RIGHT joke at the right time to the right person/s is very important if you want to elicit a laugh.This may become a difficult if not downright impossible to achieve through this Blog because I cannot know the mood , situation, age or I.Q. of the viewers. This transfers the onus of responsibility to the viewer, who has to search for the appropriate humour depending on their preference at the time.
Allow me to share with you what inspired the Blog address. At the time of writing this, I have a severe cold. I try to find a suitable name which is relevant yet unusual. I type in maybe 20 different preferences but they are all "taken", so I have to think outside the box and at the same time freeze this memorable day in my memory for years to come. Result :
While admittedly, I derive quite a substantial amount of enjoyment from telling a joke ( or two ) between friends, I have always held back from contributing jokes online for the simple reason that one cannot get the instant gratification of hearing belly laughs when one posts a joke. One can always check comments and site hits at a later stage but this could happen months after you submit the joke !
Although telling jokes in the flesh will probably remain my most favourable past time, at times I do not want to wait too long by waiting for the right opportunity before sharing a joke so that is the reason I am creating this blog. Another reason is that we are all getting busier and busier aren't we ? I mean, most people I know nowadays spend a good chunk of their day looking at screens of different sizes. How can you communicate with these people if not via sms, chat, email ?
Through this Blog I will be able to "relate" a joke as soon as I hear it or as soon as it occurs to me and visitors can update with the latest gibberish at their own convenience. There is one snag , though. When telling joke to a person or a group of persons, I can feel the pulse, the level, the mood of the moment and of the recipients. Joke telling is all about timing. Sometimes I start telling a joke to lighten a mood or alleviate a person's spirits when all of a sudden something deadly serious comes up which instantly throws my joke into the distant background. I would never be able to tell that particular joke again to the same audience because you cannot recapture the ripe moment very easily.
It goes without saying that telling the RIGHT joke at the right time to the right person/s is very important if you want to elicit a laugh.This may become a difficult if not downright impossible to achieve through this Blog because I cannot know the mood , situation, age or I.Q. of the viewers. This transfers the onus of responsibility to the viewer, who has to search for the appropriate humour depending on their preference at the time.
Allow me to share with you what inspired the Blog address. At the time of writing this, I have a severe cold. I try to find a suitable name which is relevant yet unusual. I type in maybe 20 different preferences but they are all "taken", so I have to think outside the box and at the same time freeze this memorable day in my memory for years to come. Result :
www.not2bsneezedat.blogspot.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)