Weekend Humour
In crime, you take the money and run, in politics it is the
other way round.
A Man is late for work and the boss asks him why.
“ You see, I live opposite this gorgeous girl and I can
see through her window. Every day she puts on a different outfit for every
occasion: One day it’s a riding habit, the next day it’s tennis whites, on
another day scuba diving gear…it’s really fascinating” “But what has that got
to do with your being late today ?”asks his boss. “Today was her birthday !”
Pinocchio has a girlfriend but she complains that she
gets splinters when they make love. So Pinocchio goes to Ceppetto and asks if
he can do something about it. The old man hands the puppet some sandpaper so he
can get rid of the splinters. After a couple of weeks, Ceppetto asks Pinocchio
how things are going with the girlfriend. “ What girlfriend? Who needs a girlfriend?”
answers Pinocchio.
A man comes home and tells his wife “ The milkman is
boasting that he seduced all the women on this street except one” Wife: “ I
wonder who she might be”
He: Have you ever had sex ?
She: That’s MY Business
He: Ahh a professional.
The boss has two employees, Jack and Jill. Business is a
bit slow but because they are good workers, he tries not to let them go. One
day he finds a quiet moment and approaches Jill “ Listen I am really sorry but
I’m gonna have to lay you or Jack off” She said, “ you better jack off then cause I
have a headache”
An electrician, a lawyer and a civil servant are
discussing whose profession came first so the electrician said “ When God
created the world, he said Let There Be light so our profession was born first”
The lawyer said “ Even before he created light, God had
to restore some order in the universe because there was chaos, so laws and
order were born, which is our profession”
“ Hang on” said the civil servant, “ before the law and
order, that chaos, we are the ones who create that!”
An elderly couple arrive at the Hotel late at night and
the receptionist told them “ we are fully booked but I can let you have the
Honeymoon Suite” “But we’ve been married for 40 years” said the man.
“ Well, I could put you up in the ballroom, but that doesn’t
mean that you have to dance!”
No comments:
Post a Comment